During my blogging hiatus, I turned 25.
I’ve always loved my birthday. My parents always made me feel extra special on my day, showering me with presents, feeding me my favorite meals and desserts, surprising me with parties, taking me on trips–I would even venture to say my mother, in particular, went overboard.
I’ve always felt special, I’ve always felt loved and I’ve always loved the attention.
Through the first portion of my 20s, I wanted these celebrations to continue with friends–and they did. In college we would go out for dinner, have house parties, then make our way out to the bars and dance and laugh all night long. Even post-college, I felt the need to host small parties for myself, gathering with friends at my apartment or at the local pub.
But this year…not so much. The thought of turning 25 left a horrible taste in my mouth and a knotted feeling in my stomach.
My problem with age 25 stems from remembering, so clearly, at the age of 18 thinking about someday being half way between 20 and 30. Envisioning myself in a fast-paced communications job, living in a big city, dating, engaged, or married to a wonderful, equally successful man who worshiped the ground I walk on.
Currently, I don’t have any of those things. And as I went through college and post-college, my priorities and goals changed drastically and I am very happy with the situation I find myself in. I live on my own, in a quaint little apartment in a residential area, working two jobs for great employers. I make enough to support myself and my adventures.
What scared the bejesus out of me about 2-5 is that I can still put myself into that 18 year old mind…I can close my eyes and feel as though I am there in that moment, thinking about who I will be when I turn 25…and when I open my eyes, here I am seven years later—25 years old. It feels like the time has disappeared, and I’m left with wonderful, fading memories.
Two months into my 26th year, I’m learning that the only way to combat this feeling is to work on making my goals into realities. I don’t want to look back in another seven years and again, wonder where the time went.
And I did end up celebrating. My wonderful group of girlfriends would not allow for anything else, so I decided I would be happiest having a low key dinner and drinks in my mountain hometown. It was perfect and I couldn’t have thought of a better way to ring this milestone year.
How do you feel about birthdays? Have you had any unsettling feelings about a birthday?
I have this secret love for my refrigerator that has nothing to do with the food inside.
I was fortunate in my undergraduate work to never have to take a math class. I was able to do this because I took a Calculus class in high school through a University that allowed me to get three college credits before I even stepped foot on a campus.
I remember at the beginning of high school, I loved math. I had an amazing teacher my freshman year and I know that directly related to my high grades. Then, as I changed school, I became more social and less interested in the subject that had so many rules and definite answers. My teachers, until my senior year, paled in comparison to my freshman teacher, so that added to my complete dislike in the subject.
Somehow though, I still qualified to take the college credit Calculus class, which I somehow passed, even though I got a 55 on our final exam. (Mrs. Thomas, if you ever read this, thank you for passing me. I know that my grades did not have much to do with it!)
I’ve always proclaimed my love for English. I loved devouring the classics in my Independent Reading class in high school (still the best course I have taken…ever) and I so enjoyed my PR core classes in college that required me to write proposals and plans. What I found so desirable about reading, reading comprehension, and writing was that that lines of wrong and right were so blurry. I could design a completely different PR plan for a company as the person sitting next to me and both could be effective. I could read Pride and Prejudice and finish understanding the themes and characters, but what I felt about the book was not the same as my peer.
Through high school and college, the subjectivity of this was freeing and allowed me to express myself in a way that nothing else did. While there are rules of grammar, I was free to fill the pages with content, creating whatever ideas I wanted. For the most part, the opportunities were limitless. The rules, endless.
This version of me was drawn to that.
Good Morning! These ABC’s were floating around the blog world recently, so I decided to join the bandwagon.
I will be working all day, it is gorgeous here–get out and enjoy the sunshine if you’ve got it!
A. Age: 25 (a post on how I feel about turning 25 is in the works)
B. Bed Size: Queen…I love to just lay spread eagle in my bed and not touch the sides.
C. Chore you dislike: Laundry. I HATE folding it and putting it away…it takes me a week to finish the whole task and by that time I have to do it all over again.
D. Dogs: Charlie Parker, the best miniature daschund around. Look at that face!
G. Gold or Silver: Silver most often, but I’m learning to appreciate gold.
H. Height: 5’8”
I. Instruments you play(ed): I played the flute in elementary school. and the recorder…ha.
J. Job Title: Server and Administrative Assistant and Student currently. That will change eventually!
K. Kids: First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage.
L. Live: Upstate NY…nearish to Albany and Saratoga Springs.
M. Mom’s name: Eileen
N. Nicknames: Sing, Singer, Sing-a-ling (my middle name is Singer, a family name, and I have been called that most of my life…this See Sing Live!)
O. Overnight hospital stays: None to date!
P. Pet peeves: Self deprecation, passive-aggressiveness
Q. Quote from a movie: “Nobody puts Baby in the corner” rip patrick swayze!
R. Righty or lefty: Righty
S. Siblings: NONE…I’m an only child…any others out there?
T. Time you wake up: It varies from 7:00 – 8:00…sometimes it is so hard to get out of bed!
U. Underwear: Yes? How does one answer this?
V. Vegetables you don’t like: Raw onions have been my nemesis since I was born. Ick, I think they infest the taste and smell of anything they touch. But I like them very carmelized.
W. What makes you run late: Just about everything. I am generally late…my friends used to joke about how there is real time and there is “Sarah Time”.
X. X-rays you’ve had: Knees, knees, and more knees…mainly due to my frenemy, running…
Y. Yummy food you make: My cooking is best when I just randomly throw things together…I don’t have any special recipes.
Z. Zoo animal favorites: Penguins!
The last time I posted on See Sing Live was on November 7, 2010. I cannot believe that it has been almost 5 months. I needed to take a break from it all because it is my goal to share with anyone who stops at this site the most authentic version of myself. At the end of 2010 and beginning of 2011 my life changed so drastically and so quickly that I didn’t even know who I was or wanted to be anymore.
Now, I find myself in such a better place than I have been in years. After leaving a job and starting a new one, ending a very long-term relationship, living on my own for the first time, and starting my journey of changing careers–I finally find myself on the right road.
I have not been totally absent though! I have been reading and following my favorite blogs consistently and I am so excited to dive back into this community, if you’ll have me.
I feel like we need to catch up though! So I want to share with you some wonderful moments from the past 5 months, starting with my best friend’s wedding…
Jessica and I have been best friends since we were 15. I was so grateful to be in her wedding because it felt like a huge milestone in not only her life, but my life, too! I consider her family to by my second family, so this was a very emotional event for me!
When Jess and her fiance Will decided to get married on Jan 1, 2011, I was immediately thrilled because I love winter weddings and I knew that I didn’t have to worry about New Year’s Eve plans because of the rehearsal dinner.
I had a little run in with this old flame today…
(My gym doesn’t allow four legged friends, but how cute is this?)
For the first time in over a month I ran on the treadmill.
My goal was to give my body a much needed break from running until after Christmas, but I was feeling so stressed today that I hopped on the treadmill on the gym and did some sprinting. For me, there is no better release than a hard run. I only ran for about 15 minutes out of my 30 minute workout, but it felt great–just what the doctor ordered!
I eluded to the fact that my life has changed basically in the blink of an eye. While I am very comfortable in my decision to leave my day job, I am sad to say that John and I have decided to end our relationship. We have been together for a very, very long time and we both believe it has run its course. He will be moving out in a few weeks and I will be staying in our apartment. I am very sad to lose my best friend, I am scared to be on my own, and I am unsure about what the future holds. It is comforting to know that we are ending mutually and that we will always love one another. I literally have no idea what is next for me and that is terrifying and exciting at the same time.