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Twenty-Five.

During my blogging hiatus, I turned 25.

I’ve always loved my birthday. My parents always made me feel extra special on my day, showering me with presents, feeding me my favorite meals and desserts, surprising me with parties, taking me on trips–I would even venture to say my mother, in particular, went overboard.

I’ve always felt special, I’ve always felt loved and I’ve always loved the attention.

Through the first portion of my 20s, I wanted these celebrations to continue with friends–and they did. In college we would go out for dinner, have house parties, then make our way out to the bars and dance and laugh all night long. Even post-college, I felt the need to host small parties for myself, gathering with friends at my apartment or at the local pub.

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But this year…not so much. The thought of turning 25 left a horrible taste in my mouth and a knotted feeling in my stomach.

My problem with age 25 stems from remembering, so clearly, at the age of 18 thinking about someday being half way between 20 and 30. Envisioning myself in a fast-paced communications job, living in a big city, dating, engaged, or married to a wonderful, equally successful man who worshiped the ground I walk on.

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Currently, I don’t have any of those things. And as I went through college and post-college, my priorities and goals changed drastically and I am very happy with the situation I find myself in. I live on my own, in a quaint little apartment in a residential area, working two jobs for great employers. I make enough to support myself and my adventures.

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What scared the bejesus out of me about 2-5 is that I can still put myself into that 18 year old mind…I can close my eyes and feel as though I am there in that moment, thinking about who I will be when I turn 25…and when I open my eyes, here I am seven years later—25 years old. It feels like the time has disappeared, and I’m left with wonderful, fading memories.

Two months into my 26th year, I’m learning that the only way to combat this feeling is to work on making my goals into realities. I don’t want to look back in another seven years and again, wonder where the time went.

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And I did end up celebrating. My wonderful group of girlfriends would not allow for anything else, so I decided I would be happiest having a low key dinner and drinks in my mountain hometown. It was perfect and I couldn’t have thought of a better way to ring this milestone year.

How do you feel about birthdays? Have you had any unsettling feelings about a birthday?

Fridge Love

I have this secret love for my refrigerator that has nothing to do with the food inside.

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I spend alot of time in my kitchen. I have an open kitchen with a high-top table where I do most of my at home work. I enjoy my morning coffee and breakfast while catching up on blogs. I do my homework, pay my bills, and do paperwork at my little table next to my fridge. I don’t get to spend much time at home, so I’ve created my own little grown-up space to try to keep myself organized….key word here is “try”.
Anyway, I love my fridge because on it I have everything that I have to look forward to and everything to be proud of. Whenever I look at it, I get happy, plain and simple.

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My fridge reminds me of the upcoming wedding celebrations of the people I care about most. I have 5 total this year, and I am just not ready to take down my friend Jessica’s wedding invite from New Year’s Day this year….it was that special to me!

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I have my garbage and recycling schedule posted so I never forget when to put out my bags, it also has tips on staying green all year long. I like to be reminded of my grade report for my class–an A so far!–I feel like a little kid again with it hanging on the fridge, but I am proud!

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I have my grocery list, courtesy of Arnold’s and Orowheat, from the HLS. As soon as I am out of something in the food department, I conveniently write it down here.

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On the side of my fridge I keep a calendar to keep me on track for the month. I also have a 13.1 half marathon magnet, to keep me inspired to achieve my goal of someday running a half, a lovely thank you note from my friend’s mom, and a quick note from a funny story involving Jet’s QB Mark Sanchez that makes me chuckle every time I walk by.

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My fridge reminds me of the sweet faces in my life that I love so much. These Christmas cards make me happy all year long.
What do you put on your fridge?

The Joy of Math

I was fortunate in my undergraduate work to never have to take a math class. I was able to do this because I took a Calculus class in high school through a University that allowed me to get three college credits before I even stepped foot on a campus.

I remember at the beginning of high school, I loved math. I had an amazing teacher my freshman year and I know that directly related to my high grades. Then, as I changed school, I became more social and less interested in the subject that had so many rules and definite answers. My teachers, until my senior year, paled in comparison to my freshman teacher, so that added to my complete dislike in the subject.

Somehow though, I still qualified to take the college credit Calculus class, which I somehow passed, even though I got a 55 on our final exam. (Mrs. Thomas, if you ever read this, thank you for passing me. I know that my grades did not have much to do with it!)

I’ve always proclaimed my love for English. I loved devouring the classics in my Independent Reading class in high school (still the best course I have taken…ever) and I so enjoyed my PR core classes in college that required me to write proposals and plans. What I found so desirable about reading, reading comprehension, and writing was that that lines of wrong and right were so blurry. I could design a completely different PR plan for a company as the person sitting next to me and both could be effective. I could read Pride and Prejudice and finish understanding the themes and characters, but what I felt about the book was not the same as my peer.

Through high school and college, the subjectivity of this was freeing and allowed me to express myself in a way that nothing else did. While there are rules of grammar, I was free to fill the pages with content, creating whatever ideas I wanted. For the most part, the opportunities were limitless. The rules, endless.

This version of me was drawn to that.

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“This” version is the me who would get dressed up to go to a house party, drink cheap beer, then make my way to the convenience store for a dinner of cheese and crackers on the picnic table. I don’t regret it. You wouldn’t either.
Enter: Statistics. I’m not sure why the book has a pair of Converse on it.
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I’m in the process of taking prerequisites so I can eventually go back for my Master’s degree in a different field. One of these courses is Statistics. When I saw this, I was immediately petrified. Just the phrase “math” makes my nervous. My mind goes back to my 18 year old self that was constantly confused, asked a million questions, but was no interested enough in the “rules” and formulas to consistently do well.
I’m half way through my stats course. And I LOVE it. I love the homework, I love the class and my professor, I love that I understand it. I love the whole damn thing.
High school and college are such structured years. Sure, when you get to college you can take anything you’d like, but there is a specific line of coursework that is predetermined in order to complete that major. I lived on my own, but I always knew that when summertime came, I was back at home. Rules dictated how to live life and for the most part, we all followed.
But after graduation and still today, I am trying to determine what I want based on what is best for me. Not what is written down on paper, not what my parents say. And still, almost 3 years after walking across the stage and receiving my diploma, I am still sorting through all of it. I’m trying to make the best decisions for myself, based on who I want to become and what I want my life to be.
Essentially, I have no rules tying me down and I’m still trying to understand what that means for me.
So when my professor says, “What is the probability of getting a heads when you flip a coin?”
I don’t have to retort back with, “Well, is that heads happy and set in it’s career? Does it have a significant other who is loyal and kind to it?” Or “How much money does the tails have in the bank? WIll that be enough for them to make a huge move or buy a house or go back to school? Is that tails ready to get married and have kids?”
Because for the answer, none of that matters. It is simply, 50%. And it is for that reason, I am thankful to have statistics.

Sarah’s ABCs

Good Morning! These ABC’s were floating around the blog world recently, so I decided to join the bandwagon.

I will be working all day, it is gorgeous here–get out and enjoy the sunshine if you’ve got it!

A. Age: 25 (a post on how I feel about turning 25 is in the works)

B. Bed Size: Queen…I love to just lay spread eagle in my bed and not touch the sides.

C. Chore you dislike: Laundry. I HATE folding it and putting it away…it takes me a week to finish the whole task and by that time I have to do it all over again.

D. Dogs: Charlie Parker, the best miniature daschund around. Look at that face!

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G. Gold or Silver: Silver most often, but I’m learning to appreciate gold.

H. Height: 5’8”

I. Instruments you play(ed): I played the flute in elementary school. and the recorder…ha.

J. Job Title: Server and Administrative Assistant and Student currently. That will change eventually!

K. Kids: First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage. :-)

L. Live: Upstate NY…nearish to Albany and Saratoga Springs.

M. Mom’s name: Eileen

N. Nicknames: Sing, Singer, Sing-a-ling (my middle name is Singer, a family name, and I have been called that most of my life…this See Sing Live!)

O. Overnight hospital stays: None to date!

P. Pet peeves: Self deprecation, passive-aggressiveness

Q. Quote from a movie: “Nobody puts Baby in the corner” rip patrick swayze!

R. Righty or lefty: Righty

S. Siblings: NONE…I’m an only child…any others out there? :-)

T. Time you wake up: It varies from 7:00 – 8:00…sometimes it is so hard to get out of bed!

U. Underwear: Yes? How does one answer this?

V. Vegetables you don’t like: Raw onions have been my nemesis since I was born. Ick, I think they infest the taste and smell of anything they touch. But I like them very carmelized.

W. What makes you run late: Just about everything. I am generally late…my friends used to joke about how there is real time and there is “Sarah Time”.

X. X-rays you’ve had: Knees, knees, and more knees…mainly due to my frenemy, running…

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Y. Yummy food you make: My cooking is best when I just randomly throw things together…I don’t have any special recipes.

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Z. Zoo animal favorites: Penguins!

Welcome Back, Sarah

The last time I posted on See Sing Live was on November 7, 2010. I cannot believe that it has been almost 5 months. I needed to take a break from it all because it is my goal to share with anyone who stops at this site the most authentic version of myself. At the end of 2010 and beginning of 2011 my life changed so drastically and so quickly that I didn’t even know who I was or wanted to be anymore.

Now, I find myself in such a better place than I have been in years. After leaving a job and starting a new one, ending a very long-term relationship, living on my own for the first time, and starting my journey of changing careers–I finally find myself on the right road.

I have not been totally absent though! I have been reading and following my favorite blogs consistently and I am so excited to dive back into this community, if you’ll have me.

I feel like we need to catch up though! So I want to share with you some wonderful moments from the past 5 months, starting with my best friend’s wedding…

Jessica and I have been best friends since we were 15. I was so grateful to be in her wedding because it felt like a huge milestone in not only her life, but my life, too! I consider her family to by my second family, so this was a very emotional event for me!

When Jess and her fiance Will decided to get married on Jan 1, 2011, I was immediately thrilled because I love winter weddings and I knew that I didn’t have to worry about New Year’s Eve plans because of the rehearsal dinner.

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We had an excellent time with the anticipation of the New Year and a fun wedding in the air. We stayed at the rehearsal hall until just after midnight, so we could see the ball drop…then the girls headed back to Jessica’s for a fun sleep over.
When we woke up in the morning, everyone was a bit groggy from celebrating New Year’s Eve with just a bit too much champagne, but the anticipation of seeing my best friend get married to the love of her life snapped me right out of it.

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We got out hair and makeup done and enjoyed bagels and mimosas. It was a wonderful morning.

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When Jessica finally got dressed, I was in awe! Look at how gorgeous she looked. I hope that I am that beautiful and that calm if I ever get married. She looked so glamorous and so elegant!

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I absolutely loved my dress, my hair and makeup, my gloves, and the flowers we carried. It was all so reminiscent of Old Hollywood. Did I mention how emotional I was? I woke up crying and was still crying the next morning when we had to say goodbye–I am just so happy for my friend.
I don’t have any pictures from the ceremony because I was in it, but it was amazing. The lovely minister was a woman who spent many months prior to the wedding developing a strong relationship with Jessica and Will–and she incorporated that into her sermon. It was the perfect balance of spirituality and the love that Jess and Will share for each other.
Next up was the reception!
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I could NOT get over how freaking beautiful this place was. We are still talking about it. The reception was held at the Franklin Plaza in Troy, New York. It is an old bank and the coolest building ever.
Cocktail hour was in an upstairs venue and then we went down the stairs into this amazing, beautiful room!

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Dinner, speeches, traditional dances and major partying took place.

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The whole place was still decorated from Christmas–it was incredible.

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We were all sad when it was over but the Franklin is so amazing that they make sure that they party continues at the hotel across the street. They brought over all of the extra alcohol from the bar to Jessica’s parent’s suite so we had a place to keep the party going.

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I was obviously finished at this point–lack of sleep, all of the excitement and too many drinks sent me to bed much earlier than everyone else.
The day was incredible and I was so happy to stand next to my best friend on the most important day of her life!

I had a little run in with this old flame today…

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(My gym doesn’t allow four legged friends, but how cute is this?)

For the first time in over a month I ran on the treadmill.
My goal was to give my body a much needed break from running until after Christmas, but I was feeling so stressed today that I hopped on the treadmill on the gym and did some sprinting. For me, there is no better release than a hard run. I only ran for about 15 minutes out of my 30 minute workout, but it felt great–just what the doctor ordered!

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I eluded to the fact that my life has changed basically in the blink of an eye. While I am very comfortable in my decision to leave my day job, I am sad to say that John and I have decided to end our relationship. We have been together for a very, very long time and we both believe it has run its course. He will be moving out in a few weeks and I will be staying in our apartment. I am very sad to lose my best friend, I am scared to be on my own, and I am unsure about what the future holds. It is comforting to know that we are ending mutually and that we will always love one another. I literally have no idea what is next for me and that is terrifying and exciting at the same time.

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